Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
