I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need moral support for this bender
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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