grandma shit on top of the toilet
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
