I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize