Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
