Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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