I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
