Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Quick, to the slutcave!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
