"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
