we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
