He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
only if we run a train.
done.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
