playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His nipple licking is glorious
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