does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
