he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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