if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
