remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
