It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My dick has a subreddit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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