How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
