just come out here and I will go home with you...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
