so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
