my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
