3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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