Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
