I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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