I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize