I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
