What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize