How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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