i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
