just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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