dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
