im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
