it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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