we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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