I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
