You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
