Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
