She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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