So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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