At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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