I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
