literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
