You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize