when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just found out that she named her cat after me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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