I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
