Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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