if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
