White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
