We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
