you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
