moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize