ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
