i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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