dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize