At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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