OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
