Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
