yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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