i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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