Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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