She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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