The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
