The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
