had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
