Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
