it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize