The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
