She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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