I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
