i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
