I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
