i can't believe i had my finger in that
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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