New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
