I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
