Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
