the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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