I'm really into asian looking animals
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
