someone get that fucking seahorse.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
