Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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