Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
