I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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