please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
