someone owes me an orgasm
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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