Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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