Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
