Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
