it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
