I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
