Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
