Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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