So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
