New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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