Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
