i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think my fart just growled at me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
