i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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