hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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