You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize